Mindfulness
The foundation of all DBT skills. Being fully present, not judging, not reacting, just noticing.
"WHAT" Skills
What you DO in mindfulness practice
Observe
Notice the present moment without words. Watch your experience like clouds passing.
Describe
Attach words to your experience. Label emotions and thoughts without judgment.
Participate
Give your full attention to the current moment. Throw yourself in completely.
"HOW" Skills
How you practice mindfulness
Non-Judgmental
Notice your experience without labeling it good or bad. Just what it is.
One-Mindful
Focus on one thing at a time. Avoid multitasking. Be where you are.
Be Effective
Focus on what works. Keep your values in mind, not your pride.
Core Practices
Distress Tolerance
For the moments when the pain is unbearable. These skills help you survive a crisis without making it worse.
S.T.O.P.
When everything feels out of control: stop.
Stop
Don't act on impulse. Freeze exactly where you are.
Take a step back
Breathe. Create distance from the urge.
Observe
What is happening inside and outside you right now?
Proceed Mindfully
Act from Wise Mind. Not from the wave.
T.I.P.P.
Change your body chemistry fast.
Temperature Change
Hold ice, splash cold water on your face.
Intense Exercise
Run, jump, burn off the adrenaline in your body.
Paced Breathing
Breathe in for 4, out for 6. Slow the nervous system.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Tense and release each muscle group in sequence.
A.C.C.E.P.T.S.
Distract yourself until the wave passes.
Activities
Do something engaging that absorbs your focus.
Contributing
Help someone else. Shift focus outward.
Comparisons
Compare to a harder time you survived.
Emotions (opposite)
Deliberately trigger a different emotional state.
Pushing away
Temporarily set aside the problem mentally.
Thoughts
Think about something completely different.
Sensations
Use intense physical sensations as distraction.
I.M.P.R.O.V.E.
Make this moment a little more bearable.
Imagery
Visualize a safe place or a positive outcome.
Meaning
Find purpose or a silver lining in the pain.
Prayer or meditation
Connect to something larger than yourself.
Relaxation
Use muscle relaxation, breathing, or stretching.
One thing in the moment
Focus on just the present task or sensation.
Vacation
Take a brief mental break from the problem.
Encouragement
Talk to yourself the way a kind friend would.
Self-Soothe
with the Six Senses
Tap a sense to explore examples
Radical Acceptance
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
Accepting reality as it is, not fighting what you cannot change. This isn't approval. It's letting go of the battle.
“Radical Acceptance is the only way out of hell.”
Also: Half Smile & Willing Hands: turn the corners of your mouth up slightly and turn your palms open. Your body can lead your mind.
Emotion Regulation
Emotions aren't the enemy. These skills help you understand them, reduce their intensity, and cope.
A.B.C.
Build a life worth living, before the crisis hits.
Accumulate Positive Emotions
Do things that make you feel good. Every single day.
Build Mastery
Do one thing daily that makes you feel capable and competent.
Cope Ahead of Time
Plan and mentally rehearse for difficult situations.
P.L.E.A.S.E.
Your body affects your emotions more than you think.
Treat Physical illness
See a doctor. Don't let physical pain drive emotional pain.
Balanced Eating
Don't eat too much or too little. Fuel yourself with care.
Avoid mood-Altering substances
Alcohol, drugs, and caffeine all amplify emotional vulnerability.
Balanced Sleep
Protect your sleep. Exhaustion destroys emotion regulation.
Get Exercise
Move your body. Even a short walk makes a difference.
Build mastery
Reinforce the whole, a capable, cared-for you.
V.I.T.A.L.S.
A self-compassion toolkit.
Validate yourself
Your feelings make sense given what you've been through.
Imagine success
Picture yourself handling this well. Your brain rehearses with you.
Take small steps
Progress is progress. One tiny action forward is enough.
Applaud yourself
Notice what you did right. Out loud, if you can.
Lighten the load
Reduce demands on yourself. You can't pour from empty.
Sweeten the pot
Build in small rewards. Celebrate effort, not just outcome.
More Skills
Problem Solving
Identify the problem, generate solutions, pick one and try it.
Check the Facts
Is your interpretation accurate? Test the story you're telling yourself.
Opposite Action
If fear is unjustified: approach. If shame: share. Act against the urge.
Riding the Wave
Emotions peak and pass like waves. You don't have to act on them.
Interpersonal Effectiveness
Relationships are hard. These skills help you ask for what you need, say no, and keep your self-respect, all at once.
D.E.A.R. M.A.N.
How to ask for what you need.
DEAR
Describe
The situation clearly and objectively.
Express
Your feelings using 'I feel' statements.
Assert
Ask for what you want or say no clearly.
Reinforce
Explain the positive outcome for both of you.
MAN
Mindful
Stay focused on your goal, ignore distractions.
Appear confident
Use a steady voice, eye contact, posture.
Negotiate
Be willing to give to get. Find common ground.
F.A.S.T.
Keep your self-respect.
Fair
Be fair to yourself and others. Don't over-give or over-demand.
Apologies
Only apologize when it's genuinely warranted. Not to avoid conflict.
Stick to your values
Don't compromise what matters to you just to be liked.
Truthful
Be honest. Avoid exaggeration, helplessness, or manipulation.
G.I.V.E.
Keep the relationship.
Gentle
Be kind. No attacks, threats, or harsh criticism.
Interested
Listen actively. Put your phone down.
Validate
Acknowledge the other person's feelings as understandable.
Easy manner
Use light touch, appropriate humor when possible.
T.H.I.N.K.
Before you react.
Think
About the other person's perspective before reacting.
Have empathy
Try to feel what they might be feeling.
Interpretations
More than one interpretation of their behavior exists.
Notice
Notice the other person's positive efforts and intentions.
Kindness
Lead with kindness, even when it's hard.
R.A.V.E.N.
Ground yourself in conflict.
Relax
Take a breath before responding. Slow yourself down.
Avoid negative habits
No stonewalling, contempt, or defensiveness.
Validate
Acknowledge what the other person is experiencing.
Examine your values
Is your reaction aligned with who you want to be?
Neutral voice
Keep your tone calm, even if you're not feeling it.